For I Have Sinned

For I Have Sinned
by Ronald W. Adams

His footfalls echoed off the high ceilings and alabaster walls of the old Catholic church on Main Street. The building towered over the residences on the block, the bells in the twin steeples pealing on the hour. He walked down the center aisle, his stride even as he worked his way to the altar. He stopped, performed the sign of the cross, and turned to the confessional on the left. There was a priest standing near the vestibule, looking like he was on his way to the same confessional. Perfect timing, the man thought as he picked up his pace to intercept the priest. As he did so, he moved with a practiced grace from behind the clergyman and directly in to make his confession.

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been about three weeks since my last confession.”

Go on, my son. What sins do you have to confess?

"Since my last confession, I have had impure thoughts about the woman who delivers the mail in my neighborhood. Father, she is devastating, achingly beautiful. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know I’m even alive. I have allowed myself these fantasies, Father, these impure thoughts about her. I can’t seem to help myself.”

Is that all, my son?

“No, Father. I have blasphemed, using the Lord’s name in vane more than a dozen times. It’s a very bad habit, and I have been trying hard to break it. “

The Good Lord understands that his children are not but flesh and blood, prone to mortal weakness and folly. He is capable of the forgiveness of all of these venial sins.

“Thank you, Father. I feel so much better knowing that.”

The road to Heaven is narrow and winding, my child, full of danger and distraction. The trick is always to keep the Lord at your side, in your thoughts and in your heart. Is there anything else you wish to discuss with me before I prescribe absolution?

He hesitated. “I have these urges, Father. They come over me so suddenly, and I really do try my hardest to overcome them. I ignore them, but they gnaw at me. I try distracting myself, you know, really bury myself in my work. I manage to push the terrible feelings away, for a time. But the only way I found to rid myself of these horrible urges is to take action, Father, To purge them from my body.”

I’m not sure I follow you, my son.

“Father, please try to understand. I had to get rid of the very thing that was tormenting me. I know the Lord’s Prayer says to lead me not into temptation, and to deliver us from evil. The answer was there in front of me the whole time! I had to deliver myself from evil, to lead myself away from temptation. That’s why I came to you today, Father. I knew you would be able to guide me, you’d know the right thing to do. I knew, with your help, and the help of God, I could deal with these temptations.”

I see. The Bible tells us that if thy hand causes ye to sin, cut it off, and if thine eye offends the, pluck it out, for it is better to…

“That’s it, Father! Exactly! You do understand, you really do. I knew coming to you was the right thing. That’s exactly why I came here, to pluck out of my life the temptation that has caused me to sin. Oh, you just cannot believe how much better I feel! I am so ready to receive my absolution, Father.”

There was no response from the other side of the confessional screen. The man sat in silence for a time, his head bowed and hands clenched in prayer. He made a short sign of the cross as he left the confessional. He stepped over the prone body of the priest, his life’s blood pooled and growing sticky on the marble tile just outside the booth. Looking at his watch, the man smiled. If I hurry, he thought, I might be able to catch the mail.